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Sunday, July 13, 2014

My name is Bond, James Bond - I


Prologue:

The sound of a gun-shot woke up Davis in the middle of night. For a moment he brushed aside the incident as a mere night-mare, but the noise of birds starting to chirp at the same-time, made him realise that something did happen. He got out of his bed in a haste, and looked out. He tried hard to peek out in the dark skyline of Seattle, seeing nothing. He looked around and it was then that he found his neighbour’s lights were turned on. He stepped out in his balcony, to see something inside the glass windows of his neighbour, which looked messed up, as if it was not cleaned for ages. Something looked splattered all over the glass, and it didn’t take long for him to figure out that it was blood all over. Davis, panicked, and called 911. The police arrived with paramedics and broke open the apartment. A man in his early 30s, with sharp features and clad in a tuxedo lied on the floor. He did not have any pulse and the paramedics pronounced him dead. To his right was a 9mm Beretta, which made the incident appear like a suicide. Davis had never seen this man earlier. The police looked around the apartment and found nothing. On searching the body of the deceased, they found a note in his tuxedo pocket, which read “Codename: 007”.


A MI5 agent, a modern age spy, popularly known as James Bond painted a scary picture in the mind of other spy agencies across the globe. No-one except Jonathan knew what his real name was, even his passport sported his alias name. A student par excellence, Jonathan made a mark in sports too at school. He was a prodigal child, and was awarded best outgoing student in his final year at university. None knew about his where-abouts after his 6 years of stint at the renowned Cambridge. With no immediate family members, Jonathan’s close friends at college couldn’t reach out to him. It was a year later that Jonathan was identified as one of the victims of Air France 324 which crashed in the Atlantic. His body was never found and neither was his memorial ever conducted.

The entire operation to fake Jonathan’s death was approved by senior official at 10 Downing Street. The idea was to conceal his identity. The British intelligence trailed him ever since he cracked an online Psychometric test with exceptional scores. He was hand-picked by Mr. Sheen, who headed the Brit spy induction program. People at the agency said that he has a knack of finding a raw talent and making Jonathan an indispensable agent within a year. Since Jonathan was the 1st recruit of the 7th batch of the agency, he was code named as 007. Mr. Sheen personally gave him the alias name of James Bond for all his covert operations.

It all started with an operation to rescue an asset from a hostile territory, Jonathan had more than 70% success rate in more than 40 operations which he led in less than 5 years. He was looked upon and admired at the agency. It was this unblemished carrier of his, which made him MI5’s prized possession.
Fresh from his success of Operation Ransack, Jonathan was summoned by the head of Specialist Protection branch, the security detail for the British Prime minister and its family members, also popularly known as SO1. He was assigned the job of escorting the 1st lady of UK, on her trip to Seattle, WA to address the alumni meet of Seattle University. Though CIA had issued no threat to the 1st lady’s visit to States, Jonathan was inducted taking into consideration the imminent threat the British 1st family possessed always. Post 9/11, foreign diplomats have stopped considering US as a safe haven. The entire Operation was named as White Rabbit and involved keeping a track of Ms. Clara’s security, and her safe passage back to home and Jonathan was asked the lead the team of 10 agents. It was another Operation for the seasoned field agents. However, 4 hours before the Air Force flight 443’s schedule departure from London Heathrow International airport, a red alert was sounded by MI5. The intelligence was tipped off by their Indian counterparts who claimed that the Islamic activists plan to create a hostage situation, by kidnapping the 1st lady. MI5 knew the information was credible enough, as the Indian agency found maps of Seattle University and also the itinerary of Ms. Clara’s visit, when they decrypted some emails sent from Islamic handlers in Peshwar, Pakistan to Washington, US.

                                                                              -- To be continued ....

Saturday, July 12, 2014

A pedestrian is a person traveling on foot, whether walking or running !!


Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
- George Carlin
Over a decade, I have driven all sorts of vehicle and realized that nothing pisses off a person behind the wheels more than a pedestrian, trying to make his/her way across the road. I donot have anything in particular against these people, because not very long ago, I was one of them. This is a piece of satire and should be taken that way, and anyone getting offended by this, I have just one thing to say, “Yeah, I don’t give a damn just like you do when you walk on the road”.
So, here you go, the 10 classic types of people who walk down the street every other second. See, where you fit the bill :


The Daredevils : This rare sect of people cross the roads as if they were giving auditions for Khatron Ke khiladi. They comprise of all age groups and race against the time.. oops the traffic signal. They patiently wait until the signal turns green and run perpendicular to the incoming vehicles. They are recipient of maximum abuses, which are hurled at them by almost every driver crossing the road at that instant. This rare feat should in all probability make them one of the front-runner in the unique category for World records: One who received maximum gaalis (abuses) at a instance.

I don’t give a fuck types : You would find them often in narrow lanes where they are the self-proclaimed goons. They don’t give a damn weather you are driving a mobike or a bloody Hummer and honking at them. They cross the road at their own pace as when required. I once saw such a creature standing in the middle of a road and digging away his nose in glory. The traffic stood still until he was done with his filth and decided to move on.

The hesitant ones : They are the utmost confused species ever known to human race. They step back and forth waiting for a catastrophe to happen. These habitual offenders are not only confused, they confuse the one behind the wheels too and keep them guessing till the moment of eternity.

The cell phone lovers : Well, well well !!! Women have been a strong contender of this category even since cellphones became a fashion statement. They love their smart devices more than their boyfriends and also more than their lives. Every time, they step onto the road, they have a extreme desire of using this device at their disposal and start talking over it and it happens every time.
P.S : Pardon me for my male biased writing here, but men would have been a contender here, if the classification said asshole drivers who like to talk while they drive.

Roadies : Clad in skin fit tees, bulging biceps and sometimes a protruding belly, irrelevant of the fact that where they are then, they cross the traffic as if they are walking down the aisle in front of Raghu and Rajeev. The most interesting aspect is they origin from any place in and around NCR or Punjab.

Upar waale ke naam pe de : Ahh, the begger and the Eunuchs, who earn their livelihood off the traffic signal. It is an organized business where the painfully old begger(would die even if a vehicle honked a couple of times at him) make sure that every car window is knocked, while the eunuchs give the 2 wheelers a run for their money, the target victim being a male, anywhere between 15-50 .

The drunken ones : Perhaps, the worse section of all, not because they create most nonsense, but because they are the group of daily wage earners, who blow off their day’s income on cheap liquor and venture out on roads, for some adrenaline rush. They are found hovering the roads mostly after mid-night. If one murder was allowed by Indian Penal Code, perhaps this class would have been the ones mostly knocked off by people behind the wheels.

PYT : The pretty young things. They possess immense power and can literally freeze the traffic on their arrival. Trust me , as a driver, we look upto them with extreme respect, switch off the ignition, stop the traffic, just as to ensure their safe passage across the traffic menace. Those 30 seconds are the period, when every person in the traffic lives his fantasy. Invariable of who the PYT is, they possess a smartphone, held tightly to her ear and they don’t give a damn to anyone, be it a person on road or the traffic.

The Aam aadmi : The mango people or the middle class. They are always in whiff, highly impatient and want to be the 1st to cross the road, as if it would lead in sharp decline in inflation and prices of essential goods. Irrespective of their age or gender, they look nonchalant and constipated.

The toddle/Elderly : I was once told that a new born is equivalent to an elderly. They show the same characteristic on road too. A kid who has just started to run, gets a sudden urge to run across the road everytime they see a vehicle pass through.

And at the end :

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.
-Thomas Dewar