THE UNSPOKEN
To LIFE!!
You have been indeed the best teacher for me.
Happy Teachers day!
Kuch baatein ankahi si thi;
Kuch yaadein baaki abhi bhi hai,
Tere jaane ka gum hua tha mujhe,
Lekin tere aane ki kawayat aaj bhi mujhe
saazish lagti hai
The Prologue
As she spoke on the phone,
she shuddered and held my shoulders tightly. She needed to be comforted and I
took her hands into mine, just as to reassure that I was there for her. As she
spoke to her fiancée’ the dreaded words that it-was-over-between-them,
tears started to roll from her eyes. She cut the call in a haste and turned
towards me with her chin down and eyes full of tears. I had no idea how to comfort
a girl who was inconsolable after her breakup. She was still holding my hand
and in another instant hugged me. I looked around to check, if anyone saw us
indulging in a public display of affection. She continued to sob further, and
it was at that juncture that I could feel the pain she might have been going
through. A person whom she loved, dreamt of spending the life together was
gone, in a whiff. The thought made me emotionally overwhelmed and I caressed
her shoulders to make her feel better. Never speak a word and keep mum if you
are not sure what to speak when consoling a girl. I had no idea what to blabber
and this is the 1st thing I spoke out, “Look Ritika, I haven’t
known you from long, but what I have known of you so far, I just want to say
that no matter what happens, I will be there for you; FOREVER”. It seemed
to come straight out of a romantic novel, but I had all intentions of abiding
by what I just spoke. However, I was proved wrong a few months later.
Chapter 1: The 1st encounter
“Excuse me” someone yelled in a
hurried voice. When at a public place, you don’t respond to random excuse mes
and that too coming from a lady would certainly not be addressed to me. I kept
doing what I was best at, minding my own business. 2 seconds later, another “excuse
me” and a gentle tap on my shoulders startled me. It was for me, I thought
and my heart skipped a beat. The police within me started questioning me if I
stared at someone, or said something aloud which I shouldn’t have. I looked
back to find a lady in her mid-twenties, clad in a pink top and jeans. Her
bigger-than-face shades did injustice to her otherwise pretty face. “Is this
the counter for getting the online tickets?” she interrogated me. I replied
with a cool “Ahaan!!” stole a glance of hers and looked in front. I was
groggy having slept less than 3 hours the last night and this was the worst
that could have happened, a pretty girl talking to me when I was not looking my
best. I cursed my room-mate, a diehard Salman Khan fan. He somehow
coaxed me into accompanying him for the 1st day 1st show of Bhai’s latest
adventure, “Ek tha tiger”. I hated Salman Khan for his shitty movies,
and now my roommate too, for waking me up so early in the morning, just to see
a stupid movie.
The counter had not opened yet and the crowd kept coming in. I seriously expected a stampede to happen any second. People jostled their way to the ticket counter. I was genuinely concerned about the damsel in distress, who stood behind me. For a second, I thought of asking her to move in front of me, but the sight of crowd which was still coming in huge number made me change my mind. “You a big Salman khan fan”, she said as she tried to start a conversation. “Big Salman Khan fan??”. I felt as if someone abused me publicly. “Well, I was kind of forced into it. I don’t understand his logic defying films, but since it was off day and I did not have anything to do, sitting in an otherwise air-conditioned room was after all not a bad idea”. She broke into pearls of laughter. “Really, you don’t like Salman”, she questioned the sanctity of my earlier statement. “I do not lie to pretty ladies”, I tried my own ways to flirt with her. As I said this, we both laughed and I could observe a number of raised eyebrows though my peripheral vision. I hitting on a pretty lady, right in front of ever bachelor “Bhai” fans, was certainly not a very pleasant sight.
“Its so hot out here, why can’t they have a shade for the patrons at least”, she complained with her eyebrows raised. “You are at Talkie town, which offers ticket at less than half a price of what PVR does, what you expect”, would have been my usual response. “Yeah, no one cares about the customer”, I joined the band wagon and cribbed about the perils of seeing a movie. “You riding solo for the movie”, I couldn’t resist asking her. My deepest insecurities told me that, she was here probably with her boyfriend (had ruled out the fact that she was married from a single glance), or with her family, both could have been highly catastrophic for my new found profound interest in her. “I am here with my roomies”, she pointed out to gang of ladies, all of whom wore shades of different shapes and sizes. Now, I was in complete fix. Is she the one for me, or could she be my wingman, to get her prettier room-mate. I contemplated, looked at the pros and cons, and finally decided to settle in for the buck I had in my hand. “How about you?” she boomeranged the same question to me. I would have easily lied that I was alone and joined the girls gang, but I realized I had earlier told her, how I was cajoled into seeing this movie, so I had to utter out the truth.
I was still playing like a rookie before showing my prowess at impressing a chick, when the ticket counter opened with a bang. I had no other option, but to help myself with the ticket. I earned some grey points by getting her the tickets too and helped ourselves out of the crowd. It was time for the show and my room-mate who was waiting for me at the entrance started panicking. He started calling me at the same time when I had to bid adieu to my new princess. “Damn!!”, I said to myself after putting my cell in the silent mode. “Well, thanks a lot” she said. Before I could say any other word she followed it up with a “Bbye, see you around” giggled and hopped back to her gang.
I was perplexed. “See you around ??”, but how ?? Did she know me or even my name. May be she knew me from some common friends, or was she just fooling around and used me to get the tickets in the crowd. The latter made a lot of sense. I stood there brooding, feeling used and strolled my way upto the entrance of the theatre. “What happened ? Did someone kick your ass in the crowd”, my roommate joked seeing me upset. “Yeah, kind of”, I replied to him. I wasn’t sure if she used me or I let myself being used. Either ways, I had a company of a hot female in the crowd, made quite a few guys jealous in there. As we stepped in the theatre, I looked all around if I could see her or any of her friends. It was pitch dark in there and that made it literally impossible to find her. I just wanted to walk upto her and ask if she just wanted to get the tickets or striking a conversation with a random stranger was the part of her plan. I decided never to help any female unless they asked about it explicitly, ever. I decided to concentrate on the cheap samosa and popcorms rather than brood about some female whom I met hardly a minute ago.
The counter had not opened yet and the crowd kept coming in. I seriously expected a stampede to happen any second. People jostled their way to the ticket counter. I was genuinely concerned about the damsel in distress, who stood behind me. For a second, I thought of asking her to move in front of me, but the sight of crowd which was still coming in huge number made me change my mind. “You a big Salman khan fan”, she said as she tried to start a conversation. “Big Salman Khan fan??”. I felt as if someone abused me publicly. “Well, I was kind of forced into it. I don’t understand his logic defying films, but since it was off day and I did not have anything to do, sitting in an otherwise air-conditioned room was after all not a bad idea”. She broke into pearls of laughter. “Really, you don’t like Salman”, she questioned the sanctity of my earlier statement. “I do not lie to pretty ladies”, I tried my own ways to flirt with her. As I said this, we both laughed and I could observe a number of raised eyebrows though my peripheral vision. I hitting on a pretty lady, right in front of ever bachelor “Bhai” fans, was certainly not a very pleasant sight.
“Its so hot out here, why can’t they have a shade for the patrons at least”, she complained with her eyebrows raised. “You are at Talkie town, which offers ticket at less than half a price of what PVR does, what you expect”, would have been my usual response. “Yeah, no one cares about the customer”, I joined the band wagon and cribbed about the perils of seeing a movie. “You riding solo for the movie”, I couldn’t resist asking her. My deepest insecurities told me that, she was here probably with her boyfriend (had ruled out the fact that she was married from a single glance), or with her family, both could have been highly catastrophic for my new found profound interest in her. “I am here with my roomies”, she pointed out to gang of ladies, all of whom wore shades of different shapes and sizes. Now, I was in complete fix. Is she the one for me, or could she be my wingman, to get her prettier room-mate. I contemplated, looked at the pros and cons, and finally decided to settle in for the buck I had in my hand. “How about you?” she boomeranged the same question to me. I would have easily lied that I was alone and joined the girls gang, but I realized I had earlier told her, how I was cajoled into seeing this movie, so I had to utter out the truth.
I was still playing like a rookie before showing my prowess at impressing a chick, when the ticket counter opened with a bang. I had no other option, but to help myself with the ticket. I earned some grey points by getting her the tickets too and helped ourselves out of the crowd. It was time for the show and my room-mate who was waiting for me at the entrance started panicking. He started calling me at the same time when I had to bid adieu to my new princess. “Damn!!”, I said to myself after putting my cell in the silent mode. “Well, thanks a lot” she said. Before I could say any other word she followed it up with a “Bbye, see you around” giggled and hopped back to her gang.
I was perplexed. “See you around ??”, but how ?? Did she know me or even my name. May be she knew me from some common friends, or was she just fooling around and used me to get the tickets in the crowd. The latter made a lot of sense. I stood there brooding, feeling used and strolled my way upto the entrance of the theatre. “What happened ? Did someone kick your ass in the crowd”, my roommate joked seeing me upset. “Yeah, kind of”, I replied to him. I wasn’t sure if she used me or I let myself being used. Either ways, I had a company of a hot female in the crowd, made quite a few guys jealous in there. As we stepped in the theatre, I looked all around if I could see her or any of her friends. It was pitch dark in there and that made it literally impossible to find her. I just wanted to walk upto her and ask if she just wanted to get the tickets or striking a conversation with a random stranger was the part of her plan. I decided never to help any female unless they asked about it explicitly, ever. I decided to concentrate on the cheap samosa and popcorms rather than brood about some female whom I met hardly a minute ago.
Chapter 2: The plan
I was sure I would
never see her again, even if I did, will not recognize her, and even if I did
recognize her, she would pretend she did not. Never did I know that not even a
month later, I would see her again, at a chaat counter, at my
colleague’s wedding reception. “Oh its sooo spicy, can you get me some water”,
she yelled at the same hurried tone, I couldn’t help looking back as the voice
was very very familiar. Damn, it was her, with water coming out of her kohl
lined eyes, induced by the extra spiciness of the chaat. She was
trying hard to keep her make up intact, when she looked up and caught me
staring at her.
I panicked as she
continued to gaze at me. Contrary to women, men find it weird when looked at.
Men are looked at mostly due to their shabby/good looks or uncanny familiar
looks. In this case, it was the latter. Now I was in complete fix. The chaat
counter where she hogged onto paanipuris were adjacent to the desserts
where I was headed to. I wasn’t sure if should risk confronting her yet again
in order to suffice my sweet tooth or help myself with yet another serving of
hot piping chicken biryanis. The disgust on her face as she looked at me made
me shift my loyalties towards the biryanis. This is something which I could
never understand. I or rather men stare women primarily for the very same
reasons why they do the same to men. According to one of my closest friend, who
happens to be a female, women get all decked up for these special occasions
just to be looked at. I just did the same; she was pretty as ever, looked
prettier in that ‘i-am-not-sure-which’ shade of blue churidaars.
And if you consider the fact that I had met her once before; oh am sorry, not
only met but also helped her selflessly just a couple of weeks before, I
gazing at her was totally justified. Yeah, I could have smiled at her rather
than scurrying off the place; but her sudden look did scare the shit out of me.
Marred by these
thoughts, I acted to listen to the group of colleagues I was sharing the space
with. The buffet dinners have this unique art of balancing your plate filled
till the brim, making your way in and out of the food counters and also
shamelessly asking the servers for another round of servings. As I multi tasked
the act of listening to my colleague’s nonchalant rant, hogging on to the food,
observing every female around in the age group of 18-28, and think about the girl-in-blue-churidaars,
I felt a tap on my shoulders. “Damn, not again” I thought, as I turned back.
It was her standing less than a hands distance from me. I have read that the
best way to impress a woman at the 1st impression was to make an eye
contact with her. Technically, it was not our 1st meet, but I tried
my best to give this trick a shot. “Have I seen you somewhere?”, she
blurted with a expressionless face. Seemed more like an interrogation rather
than a curiosity. “Maybe, in your dreams”, would have been my usual
reply, had I been my filmy self. But I was transfixed in her deep blue eyes;
NO they weren’t blue, am just exaggerating.
“Yeah, we saw the same
shit 1st day 1st show, at the same place”, I tried to
spice it up by not being upfront with my reply. Unmoved by my intellect and
sense of humor, all she hummed was “I am sorry, WHAT?”. “Well, we saw
Ek tha tiger, starring Salman Khan 1st day 1st show, at
talkie town. It was a huge crowd and I helped you get the ticket. You said you
would see me around, but as soon as your purpose of getting in an animated
conversation with a random guy was over, you were ACTUALLY nowhere to be seen”.
This time I opted to go all guns blazing and bluntly utter what the fact was in
a single go to the lady who seemed nothing more than beauty-without-brains
now. “Oh ok”, she said and started to leave. A moment later, she turned
back and said the unexpected “By the way, HI, I am Ritika; Ritika Sharma, I
work as a Software Engineer at Wipro. I could never introduce myself the other
day”. Till now, I could not decipher what impressed a woman, but for that
moment I thought it was honesty, which proved to be wrong a couple of months
later. She still did not thank me; Can a mere introduction by a pretty lady suffice
it, it just did.
No matter, I had
dropped the bomb by stating obvious, but she was still pretty and I tried to
play it cool. “I am anyways not gonna marry her”, the thought played in
my mind the very instant. It’s weird how things change and your heart overrides
the decisions taken by your mind in a split second. If an average person’s mind
and heart could be considered as a couple, the heart always plays the nagging
wife, while the mind is the logical husband. No matter how practical the mind
is, the heart always wins the argument.
“I am Gaurav,
working as Consultant at XYZ Consulting India”, I tried being my
professional best. “By the way, what brings you to Rahul’s reception, how do
you know him”, I spoke to her as I looked down at the chicken drumstick
which though had lost its prominence now, but was next in my priority list. “Rashi
is my close friend and a colleague, she invited me over”. I was hearing the
name for the 1st time. Any sane person would have guessed who could
be possibly that person was, but in the heat of the moment, my common sense
went for a toss. “Rashi, who?” was my instant reaction. She looked at me
with utter dismay and amazement. “You were invited by Rahul and you don’t
even know his wife name”. Woman, I knew where the reception was being held,
I knew they would be serving non-veg, and I for sure remembered the date and
time when it was gonna happen. Remembering the name of spouses while coming for
a dinner reception is never a criteria. “Oh yeah, now I recollect where I
saw her name, it was on Rahul’s wedding card”, I tried to play down the
embarrassment. In reality Rahul never gave us any wedding card. All I remember
getting on my official mail ID was a email which said “Please consider this
email as my personal invitation for my wedding blah blah”. He asked me
consider it as a personal invitation and I did, even contributed 500 bucks for
his present, no questions asked. As I was lost in my thoughts, she bid me a
good bye to join her friends.
By this time, my sub
conscious mind had started to multi task, prepared a network tree and analyzed
all possible ways by I could confront/meet her yet again while portraying the
incident as a mere co-incidence. I knew the shortest route to my destination
was Rashi, Rahul’s wife. I immediately wrapped up my dinner, tossed the soiled
plate in the dustbin and headed to the podium to greet the newlyweds, as they
posed with an artificial smile and tons of makeup, just to look merrier and
prettier in the wedding pictures.
Chapter 3: The
heartbreak
By this time, my sub
conscious mind had started to multi task, prepared a network tree and analyzed
all possible ways by I could confront/meet her yet again while portraying the
incident as a mere co-incidence. I knew the shortest route to my destination
was Rashi, Rahul’s wife. I immediately wrapped up my dinner, tossed the soiled
plate in the dustbin and headed to the podium to greet the newlyweds, as they
posed with an artificial smile and tons of makeup, just to look merrier and
prettier in the wedding pictures.
I am not sure if it’s
the bliss, boon or the other way round, but every newly married friend of yours
makes a real effort to hook you up, or push you hard to settle in life(read get
married). While they claim that it’s the marital bliss which every bachelor should
experience, the same fades off once the reality dawns on to them a couple of
years down the line. Marriage was certainly off my charts until I met her, and
even getting ‘hitched up’ by my friend who just returned from his ‘6 nights
7 days’ honeymoon trip did not seem a bad idea either.
It’s a guy thing, that
the moment I spent more than 10 seconds over lunch talking about Ritika, once
Rahul was back to office, that he patted my back and said, “Let me set
things up you”. While this phrase would bring in a lot of ambiguity for
others, both I knew what he exactly meant. The pat on my back, a sly smile on
his lips clearly told that “he would do something to get me in talking terms
with her”. I was elated. I had an earnest desire to hug my brother, yeah this
selfless act of his suddenly elevated his position in my life from a friend to
my brother.
I week passed and
nothing happened. I was getting restless and ruffled as the only source of
seeing her over the past one week was her facebook page. I figured out
the basic information about her, that she worked for Wipro, and her office was
pretty far off from where I lived, brought up somewhere in Orissa, was a
vegetarian and loved Bollywood playback singers way over Metallica or Pink
Floyd. Never, I say never listen to your heart over your brain, it always lands
you in trouble. My data analysis abilities clearly told me that it was an
incompatible match, always destined to doom, while my heart brought in the
theory of magnetism which in studied way back in higher secondary; unlike poles
attract each other. I don’t know what made me believe it, as we were obviously
not magnets. The only things which existed was a one sided attraction.
While Rahul was still
working on his master plan, I as always being my impatient self, told about the
entire attraction-which-i-thought-was-love episode to Rashi over a
couple of drinks. As we were done with our office early, Rahul and I went to a
closest pub. Rashi joined in a hour later. As Rahul went in for a leak, I
dropped the bomb and told her how it was. “Wow”, she exclaimed with her
mouth open. “That’s, that’s huge. I had no idea that you liked her and for
so long”, she followed it up. I was clueless seeing her expressions. She
did not jump with joy, but was not upset either. I was reminded of yet another
feat which the male species had never achieved in his life, the ability to read
a woman’s expression.
“He loves Ritika !!”
exclaimed Rashi, the moment Rahul arrived back. Rahul gave me a what-the-fuck-you-couldn’t-wait
look. The exchange of the bro code was enough for the secret to come out of the
closet. “You knew about it, and never told me”, Rashi charged Rahul. I
was guilt ridden for having created dents in their wall of trust. “I asked
him not to tell you. I thought of handling things myself. But I need your help
now.” I countered Rashi, to calm her down and take the blame on myself. She
wasn’t amused. “Do you have any idea what you are getting into?”. This
statement and its ambiguity did nothing to make itself understandable, but yeah
did bring a chill down my spine. A lot of thoughts started churning in my head;
Is he dad a local goon or a MLA, Is she suffering from a rare disorder/disease,
I confused myself further. “What do you mean? Can you be a little elaborate,
this entire suspense is not helping my anxiety”, I shot back at Rashi.
“She is happily is a
relationship for the past 2 years, got officially engaged last week and is due
to get married by the year end”, she spoke in bland tone and brought my
world shattering down. I sat there expressionless. The lighted cigarette
between my forefinger and the middle continued to be there. I looked down and I
could feel the entire world around me standing still. I couldn’t feel anything
and the numbness even made the loud music go silent. The alcohol finally seemed
to have started to kick in. The news of Ritika being engaged amplified the
effect of alcohol manifold and I wanted to throw up. I looked around for the
signs of the nearest restroom and tissues in my table. That told me I was still
in my senses but momentarily paralyzed.
“Gaurav, Gaurav,
Gaurav; Are you OK”, I could hear this feeble voice and then a jolt on my
shoulders. Rahul came along my side of the table and started blabbering
something which I was not able to comprehend. All I could follow was “It’s going
to be Ok”. I shacked off head vigorously, blinked my eyes a number of times
and came back to my senses again. “The cigarette looks to be one adultered
shit, gave me a sudden high”, I told Rashi who sat in a state of shock. She
panicked seeing me go haywire as she broke the news to me. “Are you OK, look
I didn’t mean to startle you” Rashi tried to reason herself. “No, it’s
alright. You did what a good friend would do, bring the facts to table and I
really appreciate it. At least it cleared off any air of unwanted expectations
I might have had from a girl I hardly met twice? Yeah just twice “I said
trying to be practical and reasonable. It wasn’t Rashi’s fault, in fact it
wasn’t anybody’s fault. If anyone had to be blamed, it had to be my heart who
fell in love with her hopelessly without checking her relationship status. “Damn,
my luck”, I said to Rahul as Rashi excused herself to the washroom.
“Let’s get the heck
out of air, I need some fresh air”, I told Rahul. We asked for the cheque.
“Bro, we can still make it work”, Rahul tried to bring some solace to
me. “It’s over dude. I am neither Madhavan of RHTDM who could woo off an
already engaged girl, nor she is Dia Mirza for whom I would take so much of
troubles. Remember, what happens to Jack in Titanic when he tried to get an
already engaged pretty girl. He dies. I don’t want to be that person”, it
was alcohol which was speaking now, but made perfect sense. That night I
decided to put a lid to this episode, once and for ever.
2 days later, clad in
business formals, as I waited for the lift which would take to my office floor,
my phone rang. It was from an unknown number. As I took the call, the lift
doors closed and I could not hear the person at the other end. I apologized and
asked to call sometime later. 10 minutes later my phone rang again as I was
trying to put my office desk in order. The same number. True caller did not
work as I wasn’t connected to Wi-Fi. I took the call with a slight
hesitation. “Hey Gaurav, its Ritika here, Ritika Sharma, We had met a couple
of times, Do you recognize me”. I knew exactly who she was, someone I was
trying to get over of from the past two days, but somehow God has a weird plans
to bring back your memories haunting back to you time and again.
Chapter 4: The first
formal DATE
“Hey, how have you been? By the way how did
you get my number”, I was really curious about it. “I needed a favor
from you, so I asked Rashi for your number. Hope you didn’t mind me calling you
up.”, she tried being a usual lady who calls up a random guy for any favors.
“Damn you, Rashi”, I thought. “Yeah, tell me what was it that I could
do for you?” Instead of beating around the bush, I wanted to come straight
to the point. “Meet me over a cup of coffee tonight. Then I would tell you.
Its my treat” she replied. I was knocked
out. The girl who was the epicenter of my thoughts, asking me out for coffee,
the same girl who is already engaged, happily. I didn’t knew if I
was being lucky or hopelessly pathetic. Whatever, the coffee plan did cheer me
up, as this was the best I had heard in the past 1 week. “Are you asking me
out on a date?” I tried being funny and a flirt at the same time. “Yeah,
yeah, think whatever you want to, but CCD Madhapur, the one with a lounge at 8.
Pick me up on your way to CCD. I will wait for you near Building no. 10 at
7.45?”
“Yeah, sounds like a
plan. Will give you a call once I start. See you then.”, and the call disconnected.
There was an obvious excitement on my face as I kept back my phone on the desk.
I speculated for a good 10 minutes, about the possible reasons of Ritika
calling me out of blue. It was then that it occurred to me that the only person
who could answer this would be Rashi who had earlier passed on my number to Ritika.
“She needs a favor
from you. She didn’t tell me what it was, but the fact that she’s been looking
for job change for quite some time now has to do something with it”. This
is how Rashi greeted me as soon as she answered the call. “I just called you
to ask for your weekend’s plan”, I tried to ignore her information and
dodge the embarrassment. “I know why exactly you called me. Ritika called me
up an hour back and you calling me up now. And for weekend plans, you would
have called Rahul instead”, she countered my lie with a fact. “So, you
really have no idea what it is all about”, I cross-questioned her. “Look,
Ritika is not my closest friend. I told you what I knew. But please don’t get all
excited and have any false hopes. Ritika may be in a relationship now, but its
not her 1st one. She knows how to get her work done, and I don’t
want you to fall for her”. The incident at the ticket counter suddenly
flashed in front of me. “Yeah, I get it” I replied to Rashi and
disconnected the call. I sat on my chair, and swung back and forth, unable to
comprehend what exactly this girl was looking for. I was not sure if I should
be cautious, reminding myself of what Raashi just told me, or be rather excited
at the mere prospect of meeting the girl I had a huge crush upon. Somehow the
call with Raashi made me introspect about the entire thing. A girl who chanced
upon a stranger to get movie tickets can also make her way get through whatever
she wants. I sat in front of my workstation, blankly seeing a batch process run
on the console, as a tsunami of thoughts crisscrossed my mind.
I started to pack my
stuff, the moment clock struck 7.30 PM. The inbuilt GPS in my brain quickly
calibrated itself and started looking for the shortest route to Ritika’s work
place. You know you are in Hyderabad, when an IT firm which is located at more
than 7 kms away from yours can be reached in less than 30 minutes. I
took out my phone as I took the staircase instead of the usual lifts. I called
up Ritika as planned and she answered the call at the 1st ring. “I
was actually waiting for your call”, she uttered immediately. “Oh, alright!
Will be there before 8, and please come out of your office”, I replied to
her. I specifically asked her to come out because I knew that for a female,
logging off from the office can be a time taking affair, that too when she is going
out elsewhere after that.
Despite of being
stickler for punctuality, it never worked in my favor. It took Ritika another 5
minutes and 3 calls to finally arrive outside her office. There was a hint of
makeup on her face. I checked out her carryon bag, and wondered what all she
kept in there. “How should I sit, I mean one-sided or cross legged?” she
asked me even before exchanging pleasantries. “Sit in whatever way that
makes you comfortable. I don’t mind anything”, I replied as she wasn’t yet
my girlfriend and her seating posture as a pillion rider was certainly not my
call. She was still confused and took a moment to decide. I could not
comprehend what went across her mind, but she decided to sit one-sided, the way
most of the woman prefer to in India. This was followed by an awkward silence
for the next 10 minutes until we reached the closest CCD. I was extra cautious,
drove slowly and ensured that every bump or pot-hole on our way met utmost
respect which I otherwise never cared for.
“So, whats up”,
I asked her as soon as we took the corner table for two. Before she could
respond to it, the server appeared in a whiff with a menu in his hand. “What
would like to order sir”, he asked with a fake smile and a weird accent
which certainly wasn’t Indian. While I was still fiddling with the menu, in
order to scan the menu to sort the items with their prices in ascending order,
she spoke out. “I will have a Café latte, with a spoon of sugar; double
cheese vegetable grilled sandwich and a glass of iced water. And how about you Gaurav?”
I sat there with my jaws and eyes wide open, as none of the syllables which she
just spoke for her order made any sense to me. “Do you like cold coffee? Try
out their Café frappe, it’s amazing”, she suggested me sensing my
unfamiliarity about the pretentious items in the menu. I could only
blabber a “Yeah, sure. Sounds good”. The server vanished the second his
Café’s business rose manifold times by the senseless order of overpriced items.
“Cold coffee?” I thought. “Do I come across as a cold person that she
recommended me a cold coffee”.
“I am amazed why
haven’t we done this earlier. I have met you so many times, but you have never
come across as such a warm person”, she started the conversation.
“I guess it’s the
hot coffee speaking. I am otherwise always warm. And I thought that was the
reason you ordered a cold coffee for me.” I replied to her with my some
humor added with a pinch of sarcasm.
“No I mean, we never
met casually. How is your work and how your new role is treating you”. She
certainly did her homework as there were not many people who knew about my elevated
role in my organization.
“All is cool. Am
getting used to it”, I replied to her.
She went on talking
about her job, her family, colleagues and her friends. What she did not speak
about was her boyfriend with whom she was engaged. In another 30 minutes, I
knew the names of her siblings, her relatives both closed and distant ones and
also about her pet dog. We went on having a marathon conversations over the
next 1 hour and I noticed how hapless the store server looked at us, as he
noticed us ordering nothing after our 1st order. She sounded not
only genuine, but affectionate and passionate about how she treated things in
her life. My likening, respect for her increased manifold times after our 1st
formal conversation over a cup odd Café’ latte.
Chapter 5: The kiss.
She did not mention
anything about the job hunt she was upto as alleged by Rashi. I started to give
the whole episode of consulting Rashi for my relationship with Ritika a second
thought. Now she appeared to me as a overzealous wife of a close buddy who certainly
was not at ease with the kind of attention Ritika received at office. Our first
date at coffee was nothing beyond a cup of pure, harmless and plutonic coffee.
It did strengthen out bond for which I had been striving hard for quite
sometime. We bid adieu to each other. I asked her to text me once she reached
home safe and sound. I received a text late in the night and it said “Thank you
for spending such a lovely time with me.
Less than a week later,
Ritika called me back, she sounds low and emotionally drained. We met this time
at a food court. She showed me text messages from her boyfriend who not only
doubted her, but also abused her verbally. So, the part of Raashi’s version
that she was engaged was true, but certainly she was not happy. I
don’t know why but somewhere deep down I was happy that she was not happy
in her relationship. She came down to seek my advice regarding her
relationship’s state of affairs. I don’t know what that meant, but prioritizing
me over her other close friends, did made me feel elevated. I am kind of
person, who doesn’t believe in giving free advices unless its someone who
matters a world to me. Ritika somehow seemed a miniature world for me and I
could fathom the thought of spending the rest of my life with her.
I asked her more about her
fiancée’. As she spoke and opened up about him, the guy seemed to be a disgusting,
repelling, weird and a cranky asshole. And I concluded to this, by listening to
her version of story. I told her what exactly she wanted to
listen, “Break up with him. Let him go. You have every right to lead
the way you want to, good or bad, its your choice. Noone, I mean no one can
mess with that”. It was a concerned male talking to a female friend. I
asked her to do the needful in a right way and slowly coaxed her into making a
call to him. She took out her phone, dialed the number and looked at me. “Its
ringing. What should I tell him”, she asked me in a hushed tone. “Just
tell him everything. Vent out your anger. Tell him it is over”. I told her.
As she spoke on the phone,
she shuddered and held my shoulders tightly. She needed to be comforted and I
took her hands into mine, just as to reassure that I was there for her. As she
spoke to her fiancée’ the dreaded words that it-was-over-between-them,
tears started to roll from her eyes. She cut the call in a haste and turned
towards me with her chin down and eyes full of tears. I had no idea how to comfort
a girl who was inconsolable after her breakup. She was still holding my hand
and in another instant hugged me. I looked around to check, if anyone saw us
indulging in a public display of affection. She continued to sob further, and
it was at that juncture that I could feel the pain she might have been going
through. A person whom she loved, dreamt of spending the life together was
gone, in a whiff. The thought made me emotionally overwhelmed and I caressed
her shoulders to make her feel better. Never speak a word and keep mum if you
are not sure what to speak when consoling a girl. I had no idea what to blabber
and this is the 1st thing I spoke out, “Look Ritika, I haven’t
known you from long, but what I have known of you so far, I just want to say
that no matter what happens, I will be there for you; FOREVER”. It seemed
to come straight out of a romantic novel, but I had all intentions of abiding
by what I just spoke. However, I was proved wrong a few months later.
We decided to bury this
incident once and for all. And it was primarily because I thought that Ritika
had decided to move on and it also created a kind of awkward scenario for me. I
could never have a relationship leave alone love interest in a woman who was already
engaged. I had an undeclared support for the universal bro code, and I liked to
adhere to it. I was surprised how quickly she sprang out of the momentary
period of distress which one goes through after a breakup. She moving on
quicker, also meant that she started spending more time with me. What started
with once in a week visit to CCD suddenly escalated to weekend shopping sprees,
movies and lunch/dinner thereafter. She made sure that she paid for her own
expenses and I liked this distinct quality in her, it made her look independent.
And I completely respected her for that.
We knew we liked each
other, loved spending time with each other and there was unspoken bond between
us. While we breached the barriers of proximity every another day, the feelings
reached its long impending pinnacle 2 days before my birthday. While I was
still contemplating a gift for her, she asked me to pick her up from office on
a Friday night. It was dinner as usual and as I took out of my bike out of
parking to drop her to her hostel, she looked around in the deserted parking
lot, and gave a peck on my left cheek. I
was still holding onto my bike and was in a perplexed situation. I had no idea
what that meant, but I did not want to ruin it by talking about it. While I
showed minimal excitement, the physical proximity had made me forget all my
day’s tiredness. The action oozed so much energy within me, that I could have
ran a marathon at that very moment.
I drove slowly, just as to spend more time with her. As we reached
closer to her hostel, she placed her hands over my shoulders, moved closer and
said “Its such a wonderful weather, lets go to Hussain Sagar, anyways you
still have to treat me with the ice-cream you promised me last week”. I
could feel her breath, the cologne she wore and that brought in goose-bumps. I
wished and secretly hoped that this all led to where all men want to be, at
some point with the lady they loved. And I was all ready and excited to move to
the next level. By the way I never promised her anything about the ice-cream. Had
it been any other day and any other person, I would have in all probability
refuted any plans to go to Hussain Sagar lake which was more than 15kms
away, just to have an ice-cream. Having scored a distinction in Economics,
the plan made absolutely no sense economically; you end up burning fuel worth more
than the price of ice-cream. It was preposterous proposition.
As I took a U turn and drove towards the lake, she tugged in closer to
me. While this sounds as a very fascinating prospective, things were actually not
very comfortable. The man within me asked me to keep calm and enjoy the moment.
We walked along the lake in silence as we reached over there. The silence, the
serenity and the presence of the lady who offlate had become the center-stage
of my thoughts, made us walk closer. Her hands accidently brushed mine and I
decided to make the most out of it. I held her hand the next moment, as I
decided to take my chances. She did not make any effort to move away her fingers.
As I caressed her hand, our fingers intertwined and it was at that moment, she
took away her hand, and turned towards me. As she stood inches away from me, my
heart thumped all along. “This is all so clichéd, holding hands”, she
said and laughed at it. I could have kissed her right at that moment, but I chickened
out. “Well, clichés are there for a reason”, I replied to her and kept
looking at her. “You are one crazy idiot”, she spoke as she smiled, came
closer and hugged me. That was it, I could feel me shivering with ecstasy as
the person I have been craving all along was there with me, literally. I felt
like shouting at the top of my voice that I got what I have been longing for so
long.
For a woman hugging forms a very important and exclusive part of love
making, while men always want an excuse to go further. As she tried to snuggled
further, I decided to take my chances; move back a bit and did what I have been
planning for a really long time. She closed her eyes, as I kissed her. My
excitement riveted to its utmost pinnacle as we continued to kiss under the
open sky, unwary of the world around us. It was a couple of minutes into the act
that the fact of kissing publicly dawned upon to me. Though I never intended to
do it, but I finally relented to my mind which made me fear the moral policing
which is prevalent across India. Its totally cool to piss in public, but kissing
is considered as an offence. I had no plans to show up on front page in next
morning’s newpapers, so came to my senses and moved my hands off her. Though
initially taken aback, Ritika realized the same and we decided to head back to
our respective homes. As I drove, she leaned onto me and held me tightly. Though
we did not speak a word, I cascaded through a series of emotions. My 1st
kiss with Ritika left me high and dry, and its after effects were better than
even smoking a pot.
I dropped her near her hostel. As I started to leave, contrary to
earlier occasions, she pulled me closer to her today and planted a passionate
kiss again. As she sprang back to the stairs, she whispered a “I think I love
you” in my ear. I had no idea where it came from, but the lady just
proposed me. I knew it was moving way to fast, but you forget the pace and
nothing at all matters to you when you are knee deep in love. I knew I loved
her, I need not have second thoughts about it. I called her up the moment I reached
home. We spoke nonchalantly over the next 2 hours, till she decided to crash
out onto her bad.
I woke up the next morning with her call. “Good morning mister, how
was your night” she chirped. I looked at the watch, and we had hardly slept
for 5 hours. I was amazed as how she managed to sound so cool despite of a lack
of sleep. I was groggy and cranky, and opening my mouth and maneuvering my
tongue to say something was last thing in my mind. But the incidents of last
night made me gleam and brought a sudden spike in my tone. “So, what next.
Where does this go to”, she asked. I was startled when confronted with this
ambiguous riddle. I had no idea how to reciprocate the question. Did she refer
to the incidents of the previous night by “this” ?. “Are we dating”,
she probed further sensing my disability to decipher coded language. “I
think so, aren’t we”, I replied diplomatically. “I CANNOT believe that I
am dating you. Seriously I have to raise my standards”, she tried to
diffuse a joke and laughed hysterically at her sense of humor. I wasn’t amused.
I followed it up with a silent treatment. “Hey, I was kidding. Guys donot
sulk, only I am supposed to do that”, she spoke with a stern voice. “I
am not sulking, I am sleepy”, I replied to her. “Oh really sir ? You are
sleepy enough to even talk to your girlfriend”, she said in a flirtiest and
a sensuous tone and I gave in. I laid on my bed for the next 1 hour, talking
everything from her upcoming shopping expedition which even I was supposed to
join now, to her obsession with Hindi soaps and some other shitty Bollywood
movies.
Chapter 6: When we
were together.
As we spent most of the time together, I decided to join in her quest to
find a new job for her. “ I really want you to meet my friends”, she
spoke out of blue. “What ? Why ?, I mean I have already met most of your
friends”, I spoke with a genuine concern. I was unsure of which friend she
all of sudden was referring about. “I meant my friends from school, who are
the closest to me. I want them to see that a boyfriend could be like you too”,
she spoke with some what pride in her voice. “Did she just compliment me or was
it a sarcasm”, I thought as I was still trying hand to understand her. She
had recently joined her school’s whatapp group and wanted me to present
as an ideal boyfriend to their old friends. I was perplexed, as I never took
much cognizance of my friends over any virtual platform. I was skeptical about
the whole idea but decided to play along. “Sure, I would love to meet them
too.”
The pursuit to find a new job for my girlfriend meant pinging friends/acquaintance
and colleagues from my past, with whom I have lost contacts. However, I decided
to keep my ego on the backburner with a sole intention to rise and shine in the
eyes of Ritika. The usage of apps like facebook/google took a back seat
and suddenly there was a spike in the number of times I opened LinkedIn
and Naukri’s app every day. While Miss. Congeniality worried
about her future, cribbed about it, I decided to get to the root cause; edited
her resume and worked on getting her a new job as soon as possible. Over the
next 1 month, the continual search of her job, brought us closer, and we
explored remote contours of each other’s personalities. We literally lived in,
with spending as much time as we could together after our day’s work at respective
workplaces. It’s a subject worth studying, the subject of how an individual starts
finding flaws and problems when it gets what it wanted all along in its
possession. And it’s a mutual digression which happens. The first signs of
troubles showed when I was giving her a usual pep talk before one of her
interviews. She was already nervous having not cleared the earlier interviews,
and this pep talk was not helping her either. I love talking, especially
blabbering anything which I feel might motivate/inspire/encourage the person at
the opposite end, though the matter of the fact is that I never get
self-inspired. 30 seconds with my verbal diarrhea and Ritika shot back saying “Look
Gaurav, how many times should I tell you that I need some silence. I cannot listen
to your blabber all the time. Sometimes you speak utter nonsense”. It was a
truth, but was a big lump to swallow in. If this was not bad, I instinctively
decided to desert her after saying a “All the best”, making her feel
miserable for what she spoke. Like a desert, I cooled down even before reaching
my home, realized the gravity of situation and texted apologies and best wishes
to Ritika, but I knew that the damage had been done and the dent is still out
there.
There was an obvious change in her behavior from that particular day.
Though we spoke the very next day, but the spark was missing. The girl who
called me 15 times a day, suddenly started giving excuses for being busy. She
had started getting second thoughts about the entire relationship all together.
Moreover, the stress of a never ending hunt for the job made her digress from her
normal behavior. I with a lot of ego imbibed all around my personality, did not
take this on a right note. There was an air of skepticism every time I met her
from then onwards. We had started to build a bubble of discomfort which was
just waiting to burst any moment.
Keeping things aside, I decided to woo her off from her feet on her
birthday. I wanted to try it one more time as leaving her in her turbulent
times was certainly out of question for me. “Wow, they are soooo pretty. I
love them” Ritika exclaimed with extreme joy. The glitter in her eyes did
corroborate her statements. The efforts which I had put in over the last few
days completely paid off. Her smile was way too compelling and I tried hard not
to kiss her. Her light pink formal shirt complimented the crystal blue pendant.
I fell in love with her once again. She acted as if blushing when I kept
staring at her for a few seconds and said “Its already late mister, don’t
have some wild thoughts. Let’s go”. Still looking in her eyes, I said “Would
you mind sharing some more time with me tonight? Please”. The formal
request did startle her, but raising her eye brows and her collar at the
sametime, she replied “Hmmm, let me think. Hell yeah”. It was heartening
to see that her sense of humor was still intact. We drove to the same place,
where I had kissed her for the 1st time, and took the exact same
spot. However, this time I just sat and made her sit beside me. With our hands
in hands and finger intertwined, I decided to pop up a question. “Why is it
that I love you so much”, I spoke in a monotonous tone, as I kept staring
at the lake. She looked at me and replied “Its just not you, I don’t
understand this. But everyone who meets me once starts liking me to an utmost
extent”. “Wow, she’s generalizing me that whole lot of people. She, who I
had zeroed upon to spend my life with”, I thought. I had a mist in my eyes
and kept looking away. I knew this was inevitable, sooner or later, this relationship was destined for a doom. I
did not want to make an issue of what she said on her birthday, so I kept quite
and decided to instead go to our respective homes. She sensed my changed behavior
and hugged me tightly, as I bid her good night. She calmly game a peck on my right
check and asked “What is it that you are upset about “. I ignored her question
and lied that it was enormous work load at office which has keeping me on
tenterhooks. Though not convinced, she decided to buy my story.
Chapter 7: The
realization.
“I got to see Haider, heard its Vishal’s best direction ever. And how
can you miss a movie which boasts of Tabu, KK and Irrfan.” I literally
pleaded over the phone. Going solo for a movie has always been a choice for me,
but I wanted Ritika to look at what I thought would be a cinematic experience with
great finesse. “Lets see. I have a lot of things on my plate. Will let you
know”, is how she replied and hung up the call. The seats filling upto brim
with every hour made me panic and I called her up again. “I am booking the
tickets for tonight at 10 PM. I really really want to see this movie and I want
you to come with me.” I pleaded as if my life depended on it. “Why you
do all always do it. Push things down my throat ? You cannot control my life.
Who are you to do that ?” she reciprocated in a rather harsh tone. My heart
skipped a bit and I paused for a moment as it took some time for me to sink in
the fact that she accused me of being pushy towards her. “OK, fine.”, I replied
and hung up. I switched off my phone as I had no intention of confronting her
after this incident. I realized how things were getting difficult with ever temperamental
Ritika and I had decided to call it quits. A number of thoughts churned in my
head and I switched on my phone after half an hour. She called me the moment my
phone booted up.
“What the hell is wrong with you. This is how you are going to be
around me forever. 1 moment of momentary outburst and you escape off. How many
times should I tell you are my last best shot, I cannot afford losing you”,
she said with fumbling voice and I could make out the fact that she had started
crying. The volcano of ego and the bundles of anger melted faster than ice. I
felt guilty of making my girl cry, yet again. We talked and made up over phone
over the next 10 minutes. In those 10 minutes, I also cajoled into companying
me for the movie for which she readily agreed now. She asked me to pick her up
from her place an hour before the movie started.
I called her up at 8 PM, 2 hours before the movie started. I called her
up early just to ensure that she gets ready on time and we don’t rush in and
miss trailers for upcoming movies. “Hey, I will pick you up in an hour. And
get your jerkin along you with. You were freezing in the theatre the last time”,
I asked her. “Oh, yeah. I almost forgot that we have to go for this movie.
Look I won’t be able to come. Did I tell you that a friend of mine who is a manager
now, has offered me a job in his company. And we old friends planned to
celebrate this tonight”, she spoke in a single go. I was almost numbed as
the words poured in my ears. I looked around for a chair, sat down, calmed
myself and spoke to her. “First, when did this job offer come ? You never
told me about it. And you confirmed me to book the tickets less than 10 hours
earlier. Atleast you could have bothered to inform about you change in plans”.
Missing the movie still worried me more than happiness of she finally finding herself a job. “You don’t get it. Jasmeet
tried his level best and pulled off this job position just for me. And I cannot
say a NO to him”, she tried to reason herself. My face had turned red as
someone had slapped across my face a couple of times. I was mighty pissed. “So,
what do you want me to do ? See the movie alone”, I asked her. “You used
to do that all the time before or ask you friend to join you. I will return you
my share of my ticket”, she said in a rather irritated voice. If the change
in plan was not enough to upset me, she hurt further by offering the refund for
the ticket, what was I ? a ticket agent ?. “You know what? Showing off to
new people is all you like. You never care about the people around you. And
this is how YOU are”, I told her as I vent my anger at her and hung the
call. This was perhaps the final nail in the coffin of our relationship. I
paced up and down the corridor to let the feelings settle in. I was nauseating
and wanted to throw up. I decided to go for a walk to pacify my anger. As I walked
down the street, I bought Malboro lights and lighted it up. As I took in
the 1st puff of smoke, the nicotine kicked in and I felt better. It
was irony that it was a movie where we met for the 1st time, it was
again a Hindi movie which had made us drift miles apart.
I called her up the next morning, the moment I woke up. She took the
call but kept mum. I apologized to her for my abrupt behavior the previous
night. She said it was fine and she would call me back in sometime. She never
called me back that day and was the last time ever that she took my call. I
called her a number of times thereafter, sent texts and messages on whatsapp,
which though were read, but conveniently ignored. The deliberate attempt to
ignore me got on my nerve and I decided to play along. While my brain asked me
to forget her and instead concentrate on my career, my heart pleaded me to try
and sort out things. 2 days later, I succumbed to the pressure built in my
heart and I texted her yet again over whatsapp.
I : “Hey”
Ritika : “Yes”
I : “Is that you are upset or angry at me or you have been ignoring
me all this time”. I wanted to bring the matter straight away onto the
table.
Ritika : “Look I have been very busy all this time. And just because
you were calling me again and again, I decided to do the instead, not talk to
you at all”.
Alright, so she way busy all this time. And what had I been doing, when I
visited every nook and corner of my network, just as to find a right job for
her. Her sudden change of stance, the moment she landed onto a new job and her
illogical excuses further weakened my resolute to make up with her.
Ritika : “I don’t know why I always get guys like this. I will call
you back later”, she hurried off the call after her complaint.
“Guys like me, the same guy
she wanted to introduce to her parents and her closest friends.” I thought.
I thought of tossing my phone over from my 5th floor apartment,
and instead flunked in over my rack with a violent force. The 3 year old smart
phone found the force too hard to sustain and a crack appeared on it screen.
When my personal life was going haywire, even the gadget whom I loveed all
along decided to break apart. I pulled out the pack of cigarette I brought earlier
in the day and let nicotine be my partner in distress.
Chapter 8: All’s
over.
A month later
There was not a single hour in the last 1 month that her thought did not
crop in my mind. And every time, her thought came in I felt restless and cursed
myself for voluntarily getting into the mess in the 1st place. My
professional life went for a toss and my work suffered. No matter how hard I tried,
my sub-conscious mind was lost in looking for an answer, trying to figure out
the exact reason for such a happening.
Few days later, my phone rang in middle of a meeting. I quickly turned
the ringer off on my smart device. It was a call from an unknown number. Before
the “true caller” could weave its magic and determine who the unknown person
calling was, I realized it was her. It all happened in less than a second. I
took a deep breath. I was in middle of an all important client pitch, where I
was on my way to clinch a million dollar deal for my firm. The call shook me.
Someone, who decided to cut off all contacts, suddenly decides to call me. What
could it be ? Like a Abbas-Mastan hindi film potboilers, the situation took a
sudden turn and within in a minute, my ex’s call superseded my client’s
requirements. After wasting a minute on speculating, I realized that this would
not help and instead I should reach out to the root of the matter. I excused
myself for break and instead of heading towards the break out area, I made my
way to the lobby, where I could talk in privacy. It was the very same place,
where less than a month back she proposed and 2 weeks back told me how much she
missed me. I decided to not to look back and revisit the moments, and instead
call her.
Without a hesitation, I dialed her number. As the phone started to ring,
my heart beat elevated. Could it be another such incident where I kept calling
her like a jerk, while she keep ignoring it. I sensed some trouble, and panic
started to grip me from within. I sent her a text asking her if she was alright
on whatspp. The biggest benefit of a whatsapp chat is the double ticks
confirm you that your message has been read by the intended person. And the
same thing happened that moment too. She did read my messages. I waited for
minute for the typing sign to start up, but that did not happen. After waiting
for a couple of minutes, I called her up again. To my shock and amazement, her
phone was busy as the subscriber on the other end was busy on some other call.
Within a split second, the panic within me transformed me into disgust. I was
taken aback. Still, I kept cool and sent another text to let me know when she
was free and call back whenever she gets time.
I kept looking at my cell phone every other minute, almost screwed up
the client pitch( my team mates made up for the lack of aggression I showed on
stage), but neither a reply not call came from her. I was confused, as to why
would she even call me, was it to play a prank at me or show it to her friends,
how a guy still fanatically loved her, after all she was such a lovable person
(exactly her words). I skipped the
dinner at the 5 star hotel, which the
client had paid for and instead decided to head for my home early. I needed to
shake off my head a bit, and a smoke was the first that popped in my head.
I bought a pack of cigarettes, lighted up one and headed for my home. I
did not change, but instead lied on my bed, eyes facing the ceiling. I did not
knew what I was upto, what games God was playing with me. I was unsure, skeptical
and also some what disgusted of my mere existence. As I looked up, I lighted
another cigarette. If you thought, cigarette cleared off your mind and helped
you to settle down, you are gravely mistaken. It messed me up further and I
decided to confront her, one of the worst things I could have ever decided had
I been sane. I lighted up another 3 cigarettes in quick succession, and the
increased nicotine levels did nothing to
stop me committing another mistake of my life.
I took a hot shower, courtesy the summer, changed myself and headed
down. I sped off on my 2 wheeler to the place where she lived, parked my bike a
couple of houses before and waited for her. As my bad luck continued, she
started from her house to her workplace, in the next couple of minutes. That
was it, the moment of truth, I had to confront her. Was she dating somebody
else, was the call just to tease me, make me feel the ever excruciating pain,
or did she miss me, was she facing some personal trouble. I number of questions
further clogged my head. As she passed by, she almost ignored me until I waived
my hand and asked her to stop. Before I could utter a words, her 1st words were
“I am already late for my office, what is the matter”. What the fuck is
the matter, is what I thought within my mind. “Why did you call me in the
morning”, I probed immediately coming to the matter. “I did not”,
was blunt straight forward reply, something which I never anticipated. “I
have a missed call on my phone”, I argued. “It would have gone by
mistake”, she replied calmly. “Ok, then did you see your messages, the
frantic calls I made. I know you don’t give a fucking damn about others,
especially me now as your work is done. Just get the fuck out of here”. She
made a weird face, I turned my back on her. I started off my bike and sped off
to where I came from. Water kept rolling off my eyes all though the distance.
My shades did nothing to hide them. They were genuine emotions. I wiped off my
eyes, parked my bike and ran off to my room. I was shivering, felt a huge lump
in my throat which was neither letting me swallow anything, nor letting me puke
it out.
I looked myself in the mirror. A man was not supposed to cry, and
I did just the opposite. Did that make me less of a man, I did not care now, and
I certainly absolutely did not give a fucking damn about idealities. I locked
myself in the bathroom, opened the shower, sat along the wall and let
everything go. As the blast of hot water continued to pour over my dry skin and
ran through my body, I could feel a lot lighter. I sat in there for the next 20
minutes, letting it all out. I had to, the feelings, the emotions, the respect
for someone, who certainly is a stranger now. I sat there thinking where I went
wrong, but just like crying did not make me less of a man, I knew that I was
never wrong. I did what I had to, and she did what she had to. Rest is karma,
and as they say Karma is a bitch.
